the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
