The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
