I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
