Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm really busy with my period
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