Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
