forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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