I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just found a bag of teeth...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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