remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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