A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They have beer where we have blood.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
