It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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