Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
