If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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