he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
