You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
