I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
