if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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