Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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