Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
