My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She bit a glass in half.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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