The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
