Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bring me that man meat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
