I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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