Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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