He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wear drunk well.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
