I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
