Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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