evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Even my vagina gasped.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
