Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
