Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
