I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
