Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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