My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
