Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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