Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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