Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
