So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
