well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
