I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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