3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
