i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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