i just wanna soil my oats bro
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
