yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
