I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
