blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
