How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
