Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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