I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
