We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
