I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
