To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
