Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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